Wednesday, November 24, 2004
haiz..i'm so so sarry about yesterday..
i guess i was to rash in making big decisions
i didnt mean to say i wanna give up..
haiz..i wanted you to asked for me back..
like you promised you to..
i guess you have yer ego..
and i dun blame you..cuz yer a guy...
i was sad..going crazy on why you didnt call me..
i started crying..was so lost..i didnt know wat to do..
i cant think straight..i didnt no wat to do..
i was so LOST...so very lost...was losing my mind..
i called keng..but he was too busy...so we didnt talk much..
we didnt talk anything abt all these at all..
i cant stand it no longer...i got no frenz to turn to..
cuz yer the one i always turn to...
i had to talk to sumone..so i called sum internet frenz up..
i called colin..but he wasnt at home..so i remembered keith..
i talk to him..he kinda help...a lil...at least made me think i a lil...
i decided not to wait for you to call me...i dun wan to waste time..
i was scared..so afriad that you mite jsut leave...
so i sms you to call me..
i was so sad darling..so very sad...cuz i was wanting to came to ask you back..
tell you i was wrong to leave..tell you i want to go back to the way we were..
tell you i still love you alot and that i cant bear to leave you...
but you were getting ready to move on..it feels like you dont wan me anymore
like you were ready to leave..not turning back..i was so sad..i didnt wan you to go..
i love you so much..i cant let you go..i never wan to..
ytd was too much to take...i cried..badly...i cried so hard..i wanted to end my life..
that's why i said i cant talk to you tmr..the thing is that i dun wan to drag till tmr
cuz i cant take it..i cant take the pain anymore..i just want to tell you how i feel..
i'm sorry i neglected you sometimes..i know that sometimes i didnt take yer
feelings into consideration..i'm sorry..really am..i'm really sorri...
i know now yer hurt..and you cant feel the same way as b4..tis is all my doing..
if only i keep it to myslef...i'm so sorry..i didnt know it'll be like tt..
i really love you edwin...i really do..and now i know it hurts...it hurts to be rejected
it hurts to be pushed away..but now i got it back at me..when i pushed you away and you pushed me further...i understand how it feels now..i'm sorry i put you into all these...
and now this is my retribution...i know now...it hurts so much i cant stop crying
i hate myself...hate hate hate myself so much...hate myself for hurting you...
why do i hurt you so much when i love you...why do i keep doing this?
i know i dun wan to..but it is always happening...that's why i made you promise to stop me
but was so sadden you didnt..i know you cant take it thats why..
i know yer not superman or anything..
i guessed i ask too much outta you..i wont do it le..
from today onwards i wont be like who i used to be...i'm begining to be a much softer person
no longer strong willed...i'll no longer stand up..no longer be strong headed..no more...
oh how i wish ytd didnt happen..how i wished i didnt want to jump into the waters...
now even tho i'm saved but i'm suffering from the aftermath..
i just wan it the way things were..everything back to the same..
i want the you back..the new you feels so diff.. the new you gives my the cold vibes..
i'm still crying and i cant seem to stop..i dun no why...edwin...i cant stop crying..
i hope you will never leave me no matter wat..i know you cant reassure me that now..
but i hope you can soon...i hope i'm able to help you get it back..
i cant help it seeing you doing it alone..i cant do it..haiz..i miss you..the real you..
the edwin i used to know..the happy edwin..the edwin b4 i hurt him badly..
i'm sorry....
